Questions that instigate intimacy
After more than 20 years of facilitating marriage counseling, I became somewhat of a scientist in the area of intimacy. Testing what works, what doesn’t. So many couples and their marriages seemed broken, unsatisfied and suffering in the area of intimacy. And by intimacy I am referring to a deep knowing and understanding of one another’s hearts, that then leads to emotional, physical and spiritual oneness. As I sought Father God and His Word for answers, I will never forget the day He gave me this Kingdom key: questions instigate intimacy.
Asking questions of your lover, truly seeking their heart? Will cause them to feel genuinely seen and heard, just like Father God desires of His relationship with you. The sure path to deep, vulnerable, authentic intimacy in your marriage is to first experience it with the Lord.
Some simple questions to ask God during your time alone with Him…
1. What is on your heart today, Lord? Do you have something specific you would like to share with me?
2. As I reflect on my struggles today, in what ways are You trying to refine me to be more like Jesus, to have an opportunity to practice the fruits of the Spirit?
3. What is one thing you love about me today?
Be sure to spend time sharing what is on your heart and listen for God’s answers to these questions. I promise it will bring you into deeper intimacy with Him. Now ask these same questions of your spouse (changing the wording as needed).
Over time in marriage, due to children, careers, and the daily chaos of life, somehow, we stop asking questions, we stop pursuing how our spouse feels, their hopes or desires, and we begin to lose an intimate connection with one another.
Question #1 Is a great way to get someone talking in an intimate way, rather than rattling off logical details that tend to lack in vulnerability, ask about their heart. Question #2 Be prepared as you ask this question, that one of the ways your spouse might be struggling is in their relationship with you. God loves us through our struggles, and He has grace for us, despite our repeated failures, so must our mindset be towards our spouse. Question #3 Is the perfect way to end your day as a couple, answering this question for each other will foster an “attitude of gratitude” within the relationship, and the answers could be endless, just as Father God sees all of who He is, in you and in your spouse.
Praying this blesses your intimate relationship with Jesus, as well as bringing a fresh hunger for genuine intimacy with your spouse.